Life Came Through
Well, well, well here we are my friends. I received my latest Bone marrow test results on March 27th and everything was 0% for both the blasts and the residual amount of disease test !!! The best part is that the doctors don’t want me to do a transplant, chemo or any radiation anymore. I even got my pick line removed on Thursday. I’m only going to be monitored at this point, but I know, I KNOW ITS ALL GOOD FROM HERE.
Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I’d like to take a minute just to sit right there. I’ll tell how I became…just kidding but let me just give you some more details on the situation and why I’m so in aww of life right now.
If you’ve read my last two blog posts on this topic you know that initially before I got diagnosed with leukemia the second time I already recognized small imbalances within my body. So I went to see a naturopath who informed me on what the imbalances were….aka spleen, kidney, and heart deficiency which in Chinese medicine dictate quality of blood basically. From there I ended up buying the text book she used in her studies and went ham with implementing what I was learning into my life. I started feeling better and noticing positive changes in my body, tongue ridges disappearing, beau’s lines on nails moving upwards and out, energy on the high, plus period right on schedule.
Then shit got real. I had to get bone marrow biopsies every 6 months since my last treatment from January 2016 ended, so I was up for another one end of December in 2016. I got those results back in January 2017 and they showed 4% leukemia blasts and 0.34% of residual amount of disease. The doctors wanted me to start an antibody for at least 2 rounds to bring the cancer down close to nothing and then do chemo, radiation, and a transplant. And I was just like dang I really been living in this fear all year and now it’s here. But also I was like shit I’ve been feeling like my body’s been improving the last couple weeks , so how can that be if I’m not doing something right? The tests only show results every six months so what if a couple weeks ago my cancer was worse and it was going away now?
So I ended up coming to the conclusion with support of friends, family, naturopath and doctors that the first step would be to take the antibody which would help attack specific cancer cells, continuing the herbal remedies, specific diet I was using to build blood and do hella inner work on myself. But before I started any medication I wanted another bone marrow biopsy to see if the cancer was growing or my body was fighting it without influence of medicine. I already started the antibody before I got the results, but when they came back I had 0% blasts and the residual amount of disease went from 0.34% to 0.13%.
Well this started the mess in my mind again. I strongly felt I was doing something right because how? But the doctors told me different locations of test can show different results… blah blah. After that I was less confident in deciding to just continue going all natural after the antibody finished. But the other part of me was screaming girl believe in yourself. Like when the doctor was telling me how I could die if I don’t do the transplant because my immune system doesn’t recognize the cancer anymore I did the most evil sounding laugh and smile, inside my head I said boy you don’t know me.
Anyways so throughout the 28 days of the cycle with the antibody I felt this constant anxiety about whether the transplant was the right thing to do for me or if I just didn’t trust myself enough to do things naturally after the antibody. I’ve been learning a lot about spirituality and universal laws of life and those were being tested to the max, it drove me nuts. I thought about my family, friends and what the doctors were telling me too, my mind was getting so crowded I wanted someone else to decide for me so bad.
Once the first cycle of the drug ended I did another bone marrow biopsy and I had a 2 week break off medication before I was to start the second cycle. I deeply craved settling my thoughts and coming to a firm decision in this time span. Especially since spring, spring equinox and new moon were all coming together which represent new beginnings the crazy in me was like yeees perfect timing.
You better believe I went all out, I was willing to do anything to make magic happen. I truly believe that diet, environment, exercise, family history all play a key role in health, but the root ROOT cause of any illness stems from an energetic level connected to our deepest emotions and beliefs about self. The body talks we just need to listen. So hell yeah I was ready to listen.
I bought some edibles because personally I feel like marijuana helps me have a clearer perspective of the thoughts and feelings that pass through me, which could be scary if there’s something you’re trying to avoid thinking about but like not today. And Let me just clear up that I don’t use it every day, more like a supplement when needed (but what’s a little weed to the harder drugs I’ve been on, am I right? 😉 ). So from there I took the longest walks outside, journaling, meditation and whatever tools that help me draw out what’s needed.
I won’t go into detail about everything I had to come to terms with accepting, that’ll take a whole other post. I will mention a few though. One I had to forgive myself for coming back to this place and accept my past for what it was. Two I’ve always carried this fear that something bad was going to happen to my family and a little unstable when I noticed them making even the smallest of unhealthy decisions for themselves. So I had to come to terms with accepting that their choices are out of my control and living a long life means a strong chance I’ll have to grieve their deaths at some point. I had to accept that I would need to trust myself enough to believe I can support myself on my own. Honestly I was crying on the floor coming to terms and feeling these things out of me. Three I stood in and felt myself in this body just realizing that no matter what choice I decide to make for myself I’d need to be present in the experience and become love even when I’m feeling pain ( like if I went through a chemo procedure for example) in order to find strength to get past anything really. Four I thought about how our choices in life are not the importance but the intention behind them is. Five I thought about how life is really only worth living when you’re completely honest with yourself. It went on for 3 days and each day that passed I felt so much lighter and excited to be in my own body. At this point I was actually finally coming to terms with going through with transplant , I felt like if life really wanted me to do this I’m willing to let go of control, trust and know I can get through anything.
THEN LIFE CAME THROUGH, IT CAME THROUGH EVERYONE
(I’m so extra ahaha it’s okay)
The doctor told me there was 0% on both the blast and residual test. NOTHING ALL GONE. Then when she said the doctors decided themselves that they think it’s best not to do the transplant or even another round of the antibody because everything went away in the first round.. all the access weight I carried vanished. It felt as though life decided for me. I had nothing left to learn from this experience anymore, it was unnecessary.
I believe it was a combination of everything together the antibody, the diet, herbs and working with myself on a deeper level. I’m so grateful for modern medicine, holistic medicine, support from everyone and honestly I’m really proud of myself for pushing through. I’ve had a lot of energy the last couple days, I can’t sleep because I’m excited to wake up. There’s so much left to learn and experience in life I’m so ready. The doctors are going to monitor me for a while, but right now I feel safe, healthy, happy, loved, confident and at peace with both myself and life. So I’m just going to enjoy this.
March 31, 2017